Unexpected Discovery

Monday, August 3, 2020

I must admit that I was initially reluctant to marry the man who eventually became my husband. My mother was also hesitant to bring him up with me and procrastinated for a few weeks before deciding to tempt fate and ask me if I would once again consider a "Rishta" (proposal) because of the previous disaster. One month before my mother asked me, this man had already seen my photos and accepted he would talk to me if I was interested after he returned from his boys' Vegas trip.

    I was in Europe in my third year of medical school and was just beginning the second semester when during one of our video calls my mom introduced the subject to me. I am not sure why, but at this point, something inside me nudged at me telling me I should talk to him and see where it goes. I told my mother to not have any expectations regarding this matter because I was going to take my time and approach this very cautiously because by this point in my life I had zero faith in the male sex. Therein me lay a pile of disappointment from boys I had considered and courted in the past along with some of their families as well. Before, I would have tolerated the pain they would dish out in hopes for a better future but I learned, albeit slowly, that people do not change by being kind or patient with them. There was no "killing them kindness" going on in my life. This time if someone hurt me, I would walk away quietly with my head held high because I did not have the time, energy, or emotional capacity to allow that to continue in my life. And so, ever so cautiously, with a few hesitant palpitations, I sent my very first text message. 

    Texting him, hearing his voice, and seeing his face did not make blood rush into my face and my face twist into knots and that confused me. I thought those feelings defined physical attraction and were what I should have been feeling when I was talking to him or looking at him. All I was feeling was this sense of relaxed contentment and peace. This was a very odd and different change for me and I did not know how to interpret it. Usually, when talking to someone I thought I liked, I would feel palpitations and shakiness that I attributed to the feeling of love. Thinking back to those sensations now, I realize at those times, my fight or flight response would be activated. Why? Something would not be right. This time there was no reason to feel it and that seemed not right!

    I also felt that being with him almost felt too easy and familiar to a point that unnerved me. Mind you, if you spoke to my friends, they would say I have said that in the past about others. But the one strange part I kept to myself about this one was that I felt I recognized his face immediately because for some reason I had imagined it in the past. Although I knew of his family, I met them when I was very young and since then did not meet them until my civil ceremony. You could say that maybe that is where I felt the familiarity from but this is kind of difficult to explain and despite all this, I still felt a little uncertain. I expected something to go horribly wrong at any point. 

    My husband is a very easy going man with whom I have very little in common which I also find shocking. But those differences bring a balance into my volatility and impulsivity in ways that stabilize me. He welcomed all my uncertainties into his life with a shrug and show of unwavering support for which I could not be more grateful because I still do not know where I need to go in regards to my career.

    The other wonderful aspect of him is how much my parents love him and feel at ease with him. Although my mother does fuss with presenting pomp and circumstance to my husband so that he feels special, she does it out of pure love for him and not the stress that she needs to make everything look good for the in-laws. Our parents also get along very well with each other and his parents have been ever so supportive with me as well. 

    In the end, the long wait and agony I may have felt in the past seem to be dissolving now that I am surrounded by love. He dropped into my life when I completely let go of trying to find someone and let myself take a breath to just enjoy and live my life. I could not control my fate and force my love on someone who did not want it nor did it drop in my lap in accordance with the timeline I created for myself. But that is all okay because he is here now and wherever we go from here, we go together. 

Until Next Time,

Photo by Ben Rosett on Unsplash

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