The First One Part 1

Monday, October 12, 2020

When I was fourteen, my mother, my siblings, and I flew to Pakistan to visit family and friends. On the flight there my mother turned towards me with a stern look on her face and said, "we will be visiting a family friend's home and they have a boy who is nothing but trouble so stay away from him okay?" 

    Confused and slightly uncomfortable, I nodded my head while thinking in my head that I had no intention to fall in love right now especially with a boy living in Pakistan. Little did I know these words would haunt me for the rest of my life. We visited my family friends in Lahore and when I saw this particular boy, my heart stopped. His aloof, distant personality drew my imagination and heartbeat into a frenzy I never experienced before in my life. I was shaken to my core and in trouble. I observed him moving around the house and talking to others while I sat stoically in an armchair with my mother and aunts. I wanted to walk over and introduce myself, and I was worried he will notice me blatantly staring at him. I decided I was going to behave as if he did not exist. This was torture for me of course, since I did not want to miss a second of him. Even when he walked by my chair, the air moving around him sent electric currents down my arms from the close proximity. I wished for time to stop right then and there so I could catch my breath and savour this moment just a little while longer. Even though I was ignoring him all evening, I was upset that he did not notice me at all. I became annoyed even though I was doing the exact same thing. My mother's warning dissolved so quickly in my head as if her words were never spoken. 

    Lucky for me, my cousins and the other kids decided to collectively go for ice cream after dinner. I was ecstatic. This is the type of moment I had been itching for all evening. But what was I going to do? How do I approach a person I am having crazy fluttering in my heart for? This is crazy. My mind is a fog of sheer joy and sadness intertwined because I knew these moments will end and I will never speak to this human again. My cousin leaned into my ear when she noticed me side eyeing him from the doorway waiting for the rest of the crowd to join in on our adventure. She casually repeated what my mother said. This boy was trouble and he was into things I could never imagine. I looked at her curiously wondering what she was talking about. How bad could he possibly be? Maybe he wasn't a good student or something I mused tentatively. That wouldn't work out for me, my brain reminded me, I am an ambitious and driven soul so this will not work out. But he is kind of dreamy, a voice spoke inside my head. The dreamy voice won that night in my head because I was not even thinking about marriage. 

    It was a beautiful warm evening and the moment felt perfect and so romantic. There was a light breeze and the distant sound of birds and the street echoing with our laughter as we walked down to the corner shop. He was walking in the front with the rest of the boys and the girls fell a few steps behind giggling and gossiping. But I couldn't pay attention to the conversation my mind and eyes were engrossed with the boy lankily strolling in front of me. I heard him laugh and my heart jumped and skipped a few beats. I just let my dreamy state overtake me and bewitch me for the evening. I imagined how cute it would be if we disappeared down a path towards a park with roses bordering the perimeter. How we could walk hand in hand and I could remain entranced when he laughed at something clever I said. I would gaze into his eyes and be lost... "which flavour would you like?" I jumped. He was standing right in front of me, watching me curiously, waiting for an answer with a slight smirk on my face. Hearing him say my name made my knees weak. 

    Horrified, my face changed three shades of red as I stuttered "orange... please" and quickly scurried to the back of the group facing towards the street, hoping my face would drain the shade of tomato it had chosen to display. One of my cousins handed me a cup of my favourite orange ice cream and for a moment amidst the chaos, I was transported to a different cheerful place. I have a strong connection with some foods from my childhood and a paper cup of orange ice cream eaten with the accompanied flat wooden spoon is definitely one of those. My Nana Jan (maternal grandfather) would pick me up and carry me on his shoulders in the evenings when the sun's heat would cool down and provide some relief. We would walk to the open market and he would buy me Bunties and a cup of orange ice cream. Or sometimes, I could hear the ice cream cart driver playing his musical tune as he biked his cart down my street and I would eagerly run to my Nana Jan and pull his sleeve excitedly in anticipation of my favourite cool treat. For those few moments until I savoured the last bite in my cup, I forgot any present dilemmas I was drowning in. 

    After my ice cream moment, I was dragged back into reality and confusion. Little did I know that day's interaction would shape my future for several years onwards in both good and terrible ways. This was the first time I felt so strongly about anyone and I did not know how to handle the flood of emotions and feelings. I thought I was in love at that very moment. I felt I could take on the world to continue feeling this way for him. I didn't even realize I was making these decisions as it all unfolded. I managed to see glimpses of him two more times during the trip but we did not have any personal encounters. My mind was filled with happy thoughts about him and the wonderment of it all. Two days before flying home, I received an email from an unknown source. It was him asking if it was okay if we talked because I had caught his attention. I shakingly told my cousin about the email and she warned me against it saying this would not end well in any way. I scoffed and told her she didn't even know him and completely ignored her. Why was everyone interfering in my happiness, I thought, frustrated. I replied okay and my heart leapt with joy. On the plane ride home I felt I was floating outside the plane running on the soft clouds beneath me and I felt my heart would forever float on high in this state of pure bliss. He played the game of avoidance better than I had and used the moment well. I was already wrapped around his finger and he did not even know it. 

Until Next Time,

To read the rest of the story, please visit the links below:

Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash


  1. Love is in the air. It's so ironic how love can take full control over us and blind us from seeing the dangers ahead. Really enjoyed reading this and looking forward to reading more about it and how to create awareness for young girls to be on their guard from Casanovas that charm

    1. Love really did a number on me over the years and I needed to learn from those mistakes I made in order to learn about balance. Thank you very much for your feedback! I hope you return to read some more.


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